Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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