The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
