ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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