There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How does one acquire holy water?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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