I'm passing your future prison.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
