Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
