capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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