Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
