Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
