dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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