1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
