i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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