you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
