I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
