Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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