I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
