help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sext me about skeletons
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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