My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
