I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
