We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
