K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize