They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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