There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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