Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
