i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
