I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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