So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
