Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
