my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize