Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
