All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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