I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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