woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize