i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
