hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
