Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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