I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
