Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
