can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
