i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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