Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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