Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
