The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
