started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
