I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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