I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
