He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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