I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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