We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
