im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
