Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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