Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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