If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
