i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
