Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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