His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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