My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
