i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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