I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
