This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
