i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
