this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She made me pour olive oil on her.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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