Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
