Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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