my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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