Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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