Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So squirting runs in the family.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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