so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
