I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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