I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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