There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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