i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
