i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
