Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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