What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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