Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
