fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
