I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
