did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she smelled like a LAN party
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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