we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize