If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
