I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
