people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize