I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
