what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
