Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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