over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
