i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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