you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
