people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
