i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
