He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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