I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize