I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
