He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
